My weekend with the children

My weekend with the children begins when I get off of work; I ended my day early so I gave my children a call on the phone to see if they were prepared for the weekend visit with me. It was about 3:30 PM. I was hoping that because I work half way between my house and my wife’s new rental that I could cut my wear and tear and fuel consumption on my vehicle. My wife was once concerned about those issues, apparently not any more. Now it is all about how she can deny me time with my children. I called my wife’s cell phone after talking to my children, I never was called back. The children told me that I wasn’t to pick them up before 6:00 PM.  This would put me behind in the things that I wanted to accomplish for me and my children. There is a lot to do, so after a shower and getting down to pick up my children about 6:20 and waiting until about 6:40 until the children came out to the car. I don’t rush to demand compliance because I know all of the stress that I am going to receive, and as always I am so correct. The process has always been about making me wait, while demanding that I would always be on time at all times and places. This is a process that is going to change, I will always be on time, and if people are causing me to be late or are holding up my progress, I will record what they are doing and how they are interfering with the process. I have to compensate and make sure that I am the perfect one. I can’t be perfect but I might be able to be better than I have been, I’ve made a few mistakes that have hurt me tremendously.

After getting my children in the car I started talking to my daughter about the therapy that she is undergoing she told me that her mother had picked up the new prescription for Lemictal and that they had put a call in for a conversation with the prescribing physician. The physician is on vacation and another doctor was to call them back. The other doctor never called.

My daughter being off from school spent the whole week with her brother and is not prepared to be his care taker, they have a lot of sibling rivalry issues that need to be dealt with. I was to offer some relief to this problem if I could have been involved in their lives more intimately, in such a way as to have the children for an overnight visit and having my son watched by the childcare group that he is enrolled with. The only problem is that my wife is not willing to share our children, as is the custody agreement, that we have shared custody, while she has primary care.

This should be interpreted that she gets the children overnight during the week and every other weekend while the children are enrolled or going to school. The vacation schedules are omitted and I know for a fact that her lawyer would deny me my rights to parent these children if possible. My wife has created a false reality to make me appear to be an unfit parent with a mental condition. All of this is based on her fabrications presented as reoccurring events. The problem is that while we have both made mistakes, my mistakes are always remembered while I try to forget her mistakes. This is not a two way street where she is sharing the road, she is driving down the middle and taking up both sides of the roadway. She has created a situation to be a gambit. My wife had me committed to use this against me in maneuvering our children away from my life. She now uses my daughter’s therapy to create a situation that would create emotional distress for me and interfere with my relationship with our children. How do I get my daughter to choose not to take medication that is only offered because the root issue of the problem is not addressed? The root issue is the problem of how my daughter perceives my involvement in her life. This has been the issue all along; this issue involves other aspects of her memories as well. We talked for a little while on the ride to the restaurant where I was going to get the opportunity to get something to eat.  Since the children had been fed by my wife, I decided to offer them some dessert. I need to make sure that the children do not drink too much soda. They really like root beer. My son ordered a hot chocolate but wasn’t thrilled when he found they used a powdered mix and there were a few lumps in his drink. The children were loud and a bit obnoxious. This is because they are neglected by their mother. I know how these two react and it is always a period of time before they settle down and start to work together, instead of being at each others throat. We can pull together as a broken family if only we can get more time together, the peculiars of what my wife has brought into our lives is hostility and it keeps showing up in ways that deeply hurt me. Every time I turn around my wife seems to be doing something to hurt me emotionally or physically.

Watching my daughter confused and conflicted over the use of Lemictal is real disturbing to me. My wife and daughter know that she is not on the therapeutic level and this is an experiment on the doctor’s part. He is using this drug off label for its intended use as a Bi-polar medication and giving the drug to my daughter for what he believes is a type of depression. This is a depression alright; it is induced by the behaviors of the mother that is a control freak. My wife is the one that needs to be evaluated for her issues that she never dealt with properly. She was seriously abused by her father and makes claims that are far from the truth about me and her family. When confronted my wife will run away, that is what she did as a child, when her father scared her, and she is easily scared and runs away even today. One day she will realize that I never tried to scare her; she became afraid because of all of the stereotyping that society berated her with and I am just another person that became the victim of society’s fears and the fears of a woman that was afraid to truly love, emotionally and physically. I was able to get my wife to love me physically, but we never made the emotional connection, and if it was possible it was when my daughter opened up to counseling. Instead of getting connected, we were short circuited, torn apart. I do not agree with using my daughter, as a guinea pig to prove to me that psychiatrist’s, have any idea (today or in the past) of how the mind works fully. Our society is learning more and more about how the mind works, what we do not understand is how the mind is healed. In order to heal the mind we need to communicate with the mind, and that means that someone has to listen. That dialogue requires two people or more to sit down and discuss issues. That gives value to the victim and allows the victim to teach about an abuse. When you have a victim you have a person that was abused. How do we help the victims? Who is the victim in this case? We are all victims of our past and present offenses and reactions.

My daughter told me in no uncertain terms that I am correct in the things that I have shared with her. My intuition is very good, and I know what she is going through. I know I can help her through these trying times; it is not good that I would give up my struggle to obtain custody; the children need the stability that I will provide for them.

The behaviors of the children at the restaurant were not perfect but I don’t expect perfection when I know the struggles that exist between the two of them and how there life is. I wish I had the money to provide for my family and be there for the children with out worrying about having to teach others what the experience has been and how my life has been affected by being the victim of abusiveness the struggle with the lie’s that have been told and the injustices that have occurred as a result.

After dinner, we came home and played chess. My daughter is really getting good at this game, she really wants to beat dear ole’ dad. My son played on the computer. I have to be careful at playing chess with my daughter she is going to win soon; I know that she can do it. While playing and talking with her I noticed that her speech was affected, her thoughts are broken and she was having trouble putting complete ideas together, and when playing around physically she was very aggressive and used her fingernails to claw at my wrists, she drew blood while playing around. I wonder if this was part of the effects of being on the medication. I’ll keep watching to see what other things happen.

We went to bed just after 11:00 PM and the children slept in late. I am allowing that because I know that they will want to stay up late tonight. I know that they are going to call their mom at midnight. We need to do some shopping, so after we eat; it will be a mission to get supplies for tonight. First I’m going to get rid of some old stuff in the refrigerator. There isn’t much in my refrigerator, so that won’t take long, I hope to get some ingredients that the children will enjoy and will be easy to make for diners after school next week. I figure this is part of living and the children have to be involved in all aspects of life supply and demand. Tomorrow we can play, today we will prepare for the rest of the week.